once upon a time.

"What do you think, darling?

Have I lived too much, too fast?

And have you

Have you felt the melancholy, darling

Wishing that time hadn't passed?"

Shakira - Dreams for Plans

we're all growing, every single one of us. every day we pass by makes us a damn day older and every moment we pass by could be a damn lost moment of joy or sadness or even relevant for the future. the future, which is almost here, every hour, every minute.

now.

the problem with growing old is that we don't see the difference to growing up. not everyone is growing up, while instead everyone's growing older. me, myself and i would rather just grow older than up and all the little boys should rather grow up than older.

growing up is all about lessons learned and decisions made that changed us. and even if we pretend we don't change ever, we do. every future we just passed by we've changed. we start as tiny babies who just live to eat and drink, go on as tiny children who live to eat and drink and play, go further as sustained teenagers who live to stop eating start drinking alcohol and play a little different than tiny children, but still do play and find oneself in a cruel society, drunken in problems and surrounded by mean mean mean people that are called "friends" and than suddenly we find ourselves grown (not grown-up yet, remember, we all grow, every moment and so on and so on) and all the dreams from the beginning are gone.dreams switched into plans and hopes into fears.

a future as a princess seems to be more than long ago, we deny even to think about it anymore and instead of worrying which beautiful dress we would wear to our coronation and which handsome prince would save us from the very wicked stepmother, we worry about missing our vocation, don't get a job, don't even get a man (who still wants to have a husband and children when it's only causing a lot of problems as we learn from the newspaper) and never ever have the money to spent on all the things we don't need but want so badly.

i guess growing up means just growing out of fantasy and trying to fly with eyes wide open and growing in nervously thinking over every little step we do and trying fearfully to keep hold on the ground beneath our feet.

N.